Funny Jokes

Sometimes it is good to have a bank load full of jokes to keep you relieve and reduce tension.

Firstly, On a ship, an American man, an English man, and a Nigerian were sailing.

Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop something in the sea, if I find it I will eat you, If I can’t, then I will be your slave!” The American dropped a diamond, the Devil found it and ate him.

The English man dropped a small platinum piece, the Devil found it and ate him too.

Now its the Nigeria’s turn. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water and poured it in the sea and said:

“Na today???, find am nah!!!”

Secondly, three Contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House,

one from India, one from Chinese, the third a Nigerian. They went to White House official to examine the fence.

The Indian takes out a tape and does some measuring, works some figures, he said, the job will cost $900 (material $400, labour $400 & $100 profit). The Chinese does the same & said I can do it for $700 (material $300, labour $300 and $100 profit). The Nigerian doesn’t measure or figure, but whispers, $2700 to the official.

The White House official say, you didn’t even do any measurement, how did you come up with such a high figure? The Nigerian replied $1000 for me, $1000 for you & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job. DEAL or NO DEAL? White man smiles, it’s a DEAL

Thirdly, as we begin this new year 2011; remember.Time waits for no one. In view of this, i made these prayers for you, As u begin this second quarter, may all your dreams and forecast for this year becomes “DIVINELY” achievable, Every enemy dancing “YAHOOZEE” in your life will begin to “KOLOMENTAL”, they will “JASI KANGA” and shout “WHY ME O”, because “GONGO ASO” and u will sing “MOBOLOWON” at the end the day.

Forthly,Hello,” Na wa for you self, you sabi waka ooooooo. I hear say U and Grace comot for morning and

you came back with Joy. you spent your night with Peace and woke up with Blessing discussing about the Favour waiting for you at the office, while Happiness and Prosperity are waiting for you in the car. Make you carry go cos na so dem go follow U through out this year. GOD has Blessed U and it cannot be Reversed”. Have a lovely day!! Your Dreams will not die, Your Plans will not Fail, Your Destiny will not be Aborted, the Desires of your Heart will be Granted. Say a Big AMEN. Money will know your name and address from now on.(.A BIG AMEN..).

Thus,You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise. Moreso, Always know that challenges do not come to stay but they come to pass.

Finally, these mathematical calculations are sometimes true.

1. Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

2. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

3. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

4. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

5. Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

6. Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

7. Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

8. Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

9. A man will pay N2.00 for a N1.00 item he needs.

10. A woman will pay N1.00 for a N2.00 item that she does not need.

11. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

12. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

13. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

14. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

15. To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

16. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

17. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

18. Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

19. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

20. A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, but she does.

21. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

22. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

23. A woman has the last word in any argument.

24. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Source by Tosin Abdulazeez